PIP - Marriage and Family

PIP helps you look at yourself and at your marriage and family relationships. It is not a test. Rather, PIP enables you to see your stronger and less strong areas, those things that you do better and those things that you do less well, those things within which you should find pride and satisfaction and those things deserving a little more time and attention from you.

Each section focuses on an important area of marriage and family life. Within each section are several statements about the most important interpersonal elements for that area. Going through all of the sections and statements will help you look at your strengths area by area and specifically at your strengths and less strong points within each area.

To the left of the statements within each section is a blank. Put a “5” on the blank if the statement is always true for you. Put a “4” if it is usually true for you. Put a “3” if it is sometimes true for you. Put a “2” on the blank if the statement is seldom true and a “1” if it is almost never true for you.

5 = almost always true

4 = usually true

3 = sometimes true

2 = seldom true

1 = almost never true

Once you have finished a section, add together your ratings for all of the statements in that section. This will give you a combined score. Next, divide the combined score by the number of statements in the section. This will give you an average score for that section. Write in your average score for the section in the blank to the left at the beginning of the section. Once you have finished all sections, add together your average scores for each section and then divide by the total number of sections. This will give you a composite score indicating how well you function overall as a marriage partner and family member.

Once you are finished, you will find that you have some points that represent real strengths for you and some points that represent less strong elements. The goal is to work toward average scores of “4” or above within each section and an overall composite score of “4” or above.

How do you achieve this level? Go back to the individual statements, locating those statements where you gave yourself a “1”, “2”, or “3”. These represent the specific things on which you need to work.

It is important to use two approaches. First, be sure that you spend most of your time and energy doing those things that you do well: those things where you gave yourself a “4” or “5”. Do what you do well and do it as much as possible.

Next, begin to give some time, thought, and energy to increasing how often you show the behavior, attitude, characteristics, and so on shown in those statements where you gave yourself lower ratings. Emphasize your strong points and gradually strengthen your less strong areas.

Below, remember to limit your responses to your relationship with others at home.

I. ____ Being a Friend

1. ____ Self Management At Home

A. ____ I am decisive and able to make up my mind.

B. ____ I am able to set priorities and to decide what is and is not important.

C. ____ I am consistent and predictable.

D. ____ I snap back quickly from losses, disappointments, and those times when things do not work out the way I want them to work out.

E. ____ I have good personal habits.

F. ____ I am assertive and up front about what I think and feel.

2. ____ Positive Self-Projection

A. ____ I am a happy person.

B. ____ I have a good sense of humor.

C. ____ I am fun to be around.

D. ____ I enjoy people.

3. ____ Showing Respect

A. ____ I am gentle and tender with others.

B. ____ I am relaxed.

C. ____ I am considerate of the feelings of others.

D. ____ I listen patiently and carefully.

E. ____ I am accepting and understanding with others.

4. ____ Showing Trust

A. ____ I give others the benefit of the doubt.

B. ____ I do not question the actions or motives of others.

C. ____ I am willing to take the first step to improve things or to make things better.

D. ____ Others can count on me.

E. ____ I avoid blaming or accusing others.

5. ____ Being Cooperative

A. ____ I go at least halfway to get things done or to make things better.

B. ____ I am willing to help others.

C. ____ I work well with others.

D. ____ I am clear with others about what I want or expect.

6. ____ Caring

A. ____ I am proud of others.

B. ____ I am actively involved with others.

C. ____ I am positive and supportive with others.

7. ____ Managing Conflict

A. ____ I keep arguments and hassles short, to the point, and under control.

B. ____ I hang in there when there is conflict or tension.

C. ____ I use hassles and arguments to clear the air and to make things better.

D. ____ I am tolerant with others.

8. ____ Sharing

A. ____ I talk with others.

B. ____ I see others as important and valued.

C. ____ I spend time playing with others.

D. ____ I am not competitive with others.

E. ____ I invest myself in others.

F. ____ I am open with others.

9. ____ Being Loyal

A. ____ I stick up for others when someone is complaining about him/her or putting him/her down.

B. ____ I place high value on my relationships with others.

C. ____ I deal with the ups and downs in our relationships.

D. ____ I have faith in others.

10. ____ Helping Relationships Grow

A. ____ I am able to change my goals or priorities to improve my relationships with others.

B. ____ I can accept and am comfortable with changes in my relationships with others over time.

C. ____ I have about the same expectations for our relationship as others.

D. ____ I do not try to change others.

11. ____ Keeping Morale High

A. ____ I feel good about staying in the relationships I have.

B. ____ I see my relationships as a welcomed opportunity and responsibility.

C. ____ I am satisfied with my relationships.

D. ____ I see my relationships as a fifty-fifty or give-and-take kind of thing.

II. ____ Being a Parent

12. ____ Managing the Children

A. ____ I effectively discipline the children.

B. ____ I understand their real needs.

C. ____ I expect about the same things of and for the children as do other adults at home.

D. ____ I deal firmly but gently with the children.

E. ____ I am able to get the children to cooperate.

13. ____ Relating to the Children

A. ____ I spend time with them.

B. ____ I am someone with whom the children want to spend time.

C. ____ I am interested in their activities and involvements.

D. ____ I am interested in their problems and difficulties.

E. ____ I am pleased with the children.

F. ____ I am sensitive to their moods and feelings.

G. ____ I give the children room to grow, room to make mistakes, and room to experiment with life.

14. ____ Modeling for the Children

A. ____ I set a good example for them.

B. ____ I communicate a positive image of the children to them.

C. ____ I take time to explain things to the children and to discuss things with them.

15. ____ Being Responsible

A. ____ I adequately supervise the children.

B. ____ I recognize and deal with their real problems.

C. ____ I am committed to the children.

D. ____ I appreciate and encourage their individuality.

III. ____ Blending Families

Skip this section if it does not apply to your situation.

16. ____ Blending Expectations

A. ____ I am sensitive to what others want for themselves.

B. ____ I am clear about what I want for myself.

C. ____ I understand and work on what each member of the family wants from his/her relationships.

D. ____ I am aware of and help with what others want outside of their relationships with our family.

17. ____ Blending Differing Life Experiences

A. ____ I understand the special ways others want me to show love and caring.

B. ____ I pay attention to others.

C. ____ I know how to be an active and involved member of our family.

D. ____ I see each of us as an equal member of our family.

18. ____ Working on Blending

A. ____ I visit back and forth with relatives and friends of others.

B. ____ I help others take care of their obligations and responsibility to relatives.

C. ____ I approve of the relatives and friends of others in my family.

D. ____ My relatives and friends are approved of by others in my family.

E. ____ I maintain healthy and appropriate relationships with my relatives and friends.

F. ____ I appropriately deal with opportunities and responsibilities within my relationships with step-children and ex-relatives. (If the statement does not apply to you, put a “4” on the line.)

IV. ____ Being a Financial Partner

19. ____ Being Financially Responsible

A. ____ I keep my bills under control.

B. ____ I maintain a reasonable standard of living.

C. ____ I effectively manage my money.

D. ____ I avoid unnecessary financial difficulties or obligations.

E. ____ I follow my budget.

20. ____ Sharing Financially

A. ____ I am satisfied with the material possessions I have.

B. ____ I involve others in major financial decisions.

C. ____ I understand my financial rights and responsibilities.

D. ____ I deal effectively with the financial difficulties that arise from time to time.

E. ____ I contribute my fair share to the financial area of my family.

F. ____ I am careful not to place too much or too little importance on financial matters.

V. ____ Being a Sexual Partner

21. ____ Showing Sexual Interest

A. ____ I am sexually attractive.

B. ____ I make sure that there are enough sexual opportunities.

C. ____ I anticipate sex with my partner with pleasure.

D. ____ I talk with my partner about my sexual wants and needs.

E. ____ I am careful not to place too much or too little importance on sex.

22. ____ Relating Sexually

A. ____ I respond to my partner’s sexual wants and needs.

B. ____ Sex with my partner is easy and comfortable.

C. ____ I am easily sexually aroused.

D. ____ I am sexually skilled.

E. ____ I function well sexually.

F. ____ I have good sexual timing.

23. ____ Sexual Respect

A. ____ I accept my partner’s sexual values and beliefs.

B. ____ I do not cause my partner unwanted pain or discomfort.

C. ____ I do not make sexual demands on my partner.

D. ____ I place my emphasis on a positive relationship and good feelings instead of on specific sexual techniques or activities.

E. ____ I pursue sexual contact only at appropriate times and in appropriate places.

F. ____ I do what I can do to be sure that my partner fully enjoys and participates in sex with me.

24. ____ Sexual Fidelity

A. ____ I do not become romantically involved with people other than my partner.

B. ____ I do not become sexually involved with people other than my partner.

C. ____ I am sexually responsible outside of my relationship with my partner.

D. ____ I have let go of past sexual involvements, relationships, experiences, etc. and do not let them interfere with my present relationship.

E. ____ I have let go of past romantic involvements and do not let them affect my present relationship.

F. ____ I do not accuse my partner of inappropriate sexual activities, involvements or interests.

G. ____ I do not bring up past sexual involvements or old relationships of mine or of my partner.

(Note) Remember that you have only been looking at your relationships at home. For each statement within the sections, you have given yourself a score from “5” to “1”. You developed an “average score” for each section and then divided by the number of statements in that section. You then developed a composite score by adding together all average scores and dividing by 24. The goal is to achieve a composite score of “4”.

You may also find it helpful to develop a composite sub-score for each general category, e.g., Being a Friend, Being a Parent, and so on. To do this, simply add together the average scores for each section under that heading and then divide by the number of sections. For example, adding together the sub-scores for Sections 1 through 11 and then dividing by 11 could give you a composite sub-score for “Being a Friend.” You may then place the composite sub-score next to the appropriate heading, e.g., next to “Being a Friend.”